Lying In Repose...This Is Morbid...

Funerals or memorials can be very difficult. For me though, the visitation is more difficult than the funeral service. I'm not sure about what other areas typically do, but in the South most people have the body lying in repose at the visitation. I don't particularly care to see the deceased lying in a coffin. I prefer to think of them the way they looked alive.

Earlier this week I stopped by the funeral home for a visitation. I didn't know the woman who passed; I never met her one single time. I do know her daughter quite well though. We have gone to church together for years and years, so I wanted to stop and offer my condolences.

It felt odd to me that I was looking at a woman in a coffin that I had never met. She had been in assisted living (in another town) for as long as I can remember. This was the first time I ever laid eyes on Rena*.  As I stood in line looking at her, I made some mental notes. 1. Whoever did her makeup did a lovely job. 2. Her hair was more poofy than I thought it would be. 3. She really didn't look anything like I had always pictured her looking. 4. the casket the family chose looks to be a nice one. 5. Did I seriously just critique the makeup job of a dead woman? 6. Clearly, I spent too much time with Jay's uncle touring his mortuary.

I don't want to be on display when I die. I've told Jay on numerous occasions that I would much rather be cremated. It's faster and cheaper. I (personally) don't want him spending a lot of money on a funeral. (holy cow, I'm even trying to save money on my own funeral) I don't really care what he does with my ashes. I'll be dead, so it shouldn't really matter. He can dump me down the drain for all I care. I don't even really want him to spend time on a service. I'd much rather he and the kids have a party at the house instead. Since I'll be dead, I guess my children and husband will get to do whatever they want!

Jay's family is real big on the viewing and burial tradition. I told him that if someone in his family should happen to get to him convince him to put me in the ground that I want my epitaph to be as follows:

At Least She Tried

I think he thought I was kidding the first time I mentioned it. He has come to realize that I mean it. I may not be successful at anything, but I have always tried really, really hard. Shouldn't an epitaph embody the deceased? Lots of people use....Beautiful Wife...Loving Mother...Dedicated Christian. I don't think any of those phrases actually describe me as a whole though. Whether it was being a wife, mother, volunteer, accountant, Christian, neighbor, or friend, I have always tried hard. That is the common denominator in everything I have ever done. I tried.

What about you guys? Do any of you have thoughts regarding your funeral?


*I changed her name because I don't know if her family would appreciate me bringing up their 76 year old mother's funeral.