Some time ago...
We were on our way home from school. Hadley was sitting shot gun. The littles were in the backseat. We were rocking out to whatever song was on the radio. It was a lovely day.
And then Hadley asked, "What's a blow job, and why do you get in trouble for doing it?"
I violated 17 traffic laws as the Volv-Ro swerved across all kinds of solid lines, other lanes, and rapidly accelerated followed by rapid deceleration...all before getting back in the correct lane and resuming regular speed. It wasn't pretty. I started to sweat. Profusely. I brushed her off and said we'd talk about it later; that we couldn't talk about it with the littles in the car. She had asked because of an unfortunate situation with some classmates getting caught and subsequently punished.
I realized that I had a few choices.
1. Ignore it. Act like the question had never been asked.
2. Splain it to her.
3. Don't explain it to her and chance another kid at school telling her what it is.
4. Drink. Heavily. Wait until the stupor lifts to decide a course of action.
5. Have the hubs download some videos. Bow chicka wow wow.
6. Tell her that she's not old enough to know.
I went with option 2. I decided it would be best to explain it to her myself. Who knows what a classmate would have told her? She immediately asked why the playground was next to the sewer. Well, not in those words. But she was thoroughly grossed out by it. I haven't been the same since. In fact, I have begun to sweat just thinking about it. I sweat when I'm nervous or busy or hot or mad.
Parents of young children - This is a PSA - You are going to have to explain fellacio at some point. Learn from my mistakes and narrow avoidance of traffic accidents. Come up with a game plan for how to explain this now. You will thank me sooner than later.
What do you think? Should I put the duct tape back on my mouth?
ADDED: I don't know the full details of what happened with the classmates or even if it really happened. It was something H-Dizzy heard about and repeated. Just for clarification....it could be a middle school rumor....from months ago...because I was still in a state of shock and unable to post about it until now.
