Random Dinner in Cell Phone Pictures...

Keep in mind that I started laughing so hard at him that these pictures are blurry and ridiculous.

He was in full on silly mode. 

A Few Random Thoughts with Friends...

-I am guilty of poor accessorizing. I have never gotten the hang of what jewelry goes with what outfit. I try, but I always seem to wind up with too much or too little or things that don't go together at all. Jewelry. Gets me every time. 

I have a friend who just got engaged. I went to see her and ohhh and ahhhh over her ring. It is a beautiful ring. That got me thinking. When was the last time I wore my engagement ring and wedding band? I have absolutely no idea. I know I wore each during tax season some. Have I worn either since then? J hasn't worn a ring in years - as in so many years that I don't remember the last time he did wear one. I only wear mine every now and then except for during tax season. Hey, it's my version of dressing up.

Let's take a poll. Do you wear your wedding/engagement bling everyday? Do you think it is important to wear a ring? Does it bother you if your spouse doesn't wear a wedding band? 

-Let's get lighthearted.

-Swimming is hard work, yo. One must relax while floating and kicking in the Elk River. He's always in entertainment mode. 

-If you leave your phone unattended for any length of time, Ella will take 964 selfies for your viewing pleasure. This is a screenshot of a few. She seems to think it is funny to take a bunch and then let you find them later. Ok, it actually is kind of funny.

-I have a Pinterest account. I don't use it though. All the pretty pictures make me feel inadequate as a human being. People, I cannot make cute snacks. A sock bun ain't gonna happen in my house because I would get it so tangled that a 911 to Dantera would have to be placed. Pinterest is clearly Satan's website.

-There are so many random pictures on my SD card. I think I took a few, and I know Ella has taken a lot. This one, though, Layton took. I was kicking the soccer ball with him in the front yard and had snapped a few pictures of him. He was giving me a hug, and the camera was dangling around my neck. Little man pushed the button and started giggling like crazy. He really thought he had pulled a seriously funny stunt. :) All he got was - more adorable and a blurry picture of my shoes. 

-Have you been to YellowHammer Brewery? J and I have gone a few times. It is a really neat place with a biergarten that makes me want to open my own taproom. The last time we went was a couple of weeks ago. Skinny Lister played a set in the biergarten on their way to Bonnaroo. Ignore the poor quality of this picture. I had already had a beer or two and didn't turn the flash on. Ha! Speaking of beer...

-This is my favorite beer. I have been on a Heineken kick since last Fall. I hardly ever drink wine these days, and wine used to be my go to beverage. If you happen to visit YellowHammer, I recommend the Rebellion. 

-Should I include an actual hyperlink? Yes, I think I should.

-Rickrolling. Never gets old. Dang, my car is dusty. Note to self: Clean that thing!

Secondary Awareness...

Ella might be the most adult ten year old I have ever encountered. She puts herself to bed. She sets her own alarm for the weekdays. She showers unprompted. She cleans her messes without being asked. She arranges her own childcare if she thinks J and I need a night away. You read that correctly. She (hand to God) called J's parents and asked them if "us kids" could spend the night during the weekend of our anniversary because she wanted us to have a good night out. Then, she came to inform us that we needed to drop them off with the grands later in the day because she had arranged for us to have the night to ourselves. What ten year old does such a thing?

You know what she reminds me of??? Those commercials where the kids come up with insane explanations for how Cheez-Its get all that flavor in one, tiny square. How does all of that adult energy fit in a little person? I don't recall ever standing too close to a particle accelerator or being bitten by a mutated spider or experiencing large doses of gamma radiation while pregnant with her, so I'm guessing it isn't really a super power.

To be such an old soul in so many ways, she is also surprisingly sweet and naive. She will be eleven in a matter of weeks but still believes wholeheartedly in Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and Happily Ever After. Most importantly, she still believes in me. 

Me - her Mommy - the best on the planet in her eyes - safe haven - care giver. 

She does not yet realize that I am deeply flawed and fail at a variety of tasks daily. She hasn't even noticed the misplaced modifier in her baby book. When I burn the toast, she still smiles while eating it. When I forget that I promised to take her somewhere, she gently reminds me later. She hasn't noticed that I have never been the room mother at school. Will she ever? Even if she does notice all of the mistakes, shortcomings, and white out, I have a feeling she will still love me. Ella is a precious soul. 

I keep thinking I will get the hang of this whole mothering thing eventually, but it just doesn't come naturally or easily to me. It is very difficult. Thank goodness such a sweet child is stuck in the middle.

Gotta Hand It to Ya...

The weekend is still several days away. Bah Humbug!! This past weekend was so wonderful that I didn't want it to end. I am hoping this one will be wonderful as well. Actually, I have no doubt that it will be off the charts amazing!

This sweet hand will be helping with dinner; I am positive. :)

These sweet hands will probably do some more fishing. 

This sweet hand will get nasty and have to be disinfected. As usual. 

Let's get through the next couple of days and get out part-ay on!!!!!!

Bending the Lines...

I wish I had snapped this picture faster than I did. Why? Because Layton is standing on one foot with the other one lifted high enough to touch his knee to his head. I just barely captured this and didn't have time to zoom out before he moved on to more wacky poses. :)

He is so full of himself. I cannot help myself. I would drink the kool aid if he told me to.

Seriously, I think the curls have magical powers that make me stupid and giddy.

Yeah, he has me hooked. I am like a common junkie itching for my next fix of whatever it is he gives. 

Is there rehab for this kind of thing? 

Flamingos and Teepees...

-I am all over the place lately. Splitting my time between a million different projects and jobs is hard core. You know what they say though - go hard, or go home. I just wish I could remember where I am going and what I am working on. Is today a deadline? Heck, I have no clue. It's a miracle if I remember to set the alarm clock every night. Go hard, or go home, right?

Thank you, failblog, for providing me with this picture that describes my life.

-There was a time when I blogged often. Sometimes I would have two or three posts scheduled for each day. I am lucky if I schedule three posts a month now. I have lost my blogging mojo. This was made even more obvious when a stalker reader sent me this picture. 

I wanted to reply and say, "Who charts this crap? It's not like my blog is even good." Bwhaahah. 

A Few Pictures Because I am too Lazy to Blog...

-Layton showing off. Or something. 

-Hadley's drawing that creeps me out a little. I should hide her pencils.

-Layton pouting. I made him leave the house one day. He is the biggest home body I ever did meet. 

Stop...

In the name of love? Collaborate and listen? Hammertime?

That never gets old, unlike the cheese in my refrigerator. Speaking of rotten food, I am on a streak of fussing about school lunches right now, and school isn't even in session! I normally only go eat lunch with each of my children once a year. There are two reasons for this. 1.) That many pint-sized, masticating humans makes me very thirsty for bourbon. My nerves cannot handle school lunch. 2.) Without fail I lose my appetite after seeing what these kids are eating and not eating. Fish bites definitely cause me to taste saltwater in the back of my throat, and seeing a child eat the processed tater tots while throwing away the syrupy fruit, makes me equally as sick. I (personally) feel that the spirit of the school lunch program cannot be quenched due to the budgetary constraints in many school systems. Eating healthy is more expensive than eating processed cardboard - plain and simple.

Wait, where was I going with this post? Oh, that's right. Here...

Layton is already a little bored with Summer. He can't even handle having his picture made anymore, and I only got to take a few so far this Summer break. Hence, I need to get him busy, so he won't notice me stalking him with 18.1 mega pixels. Stalk may be too strong a word. Or not.

What are your favorite activities for keeping your children occupied during the Summer? Mine always attend at least 3 VBS sessions, soccer camp, etc. This year I am sending them to sleep over camp as well. BUT, I am still short on activities to keep their brains from starting to atrophy toward the end of July. So, bring it on. What do you do with your littles? More importantly, how can I convince you to take care of my littles as well? Bwhahahaha.

When I Least Expect....

When I least expect to see it, my SD card will have pictures that Ella took unbeknownst to me. Strangely enough, she uses my camera a good bit when I am not looking. She also likes to get permission to use my camera and then sneak pictures of us. It's actually endearing and adorable if you think about it. Secret snapshots while we aren't looking at her. We are busy talking about something else convinced she is photographing her swimming friends or spiders or a boat.

Do I have any clue what we were laughing about? Of course not! Clearly, I was laughing pretty hard and squealing out loud. J's eyes have disappeared. Dang, that must have been some funny beeswax.

A few minutes later we were calm again. 

Someday, I will have to thank her for being a sneaky photog.

The Kind of People...

The Seiberts are the kind of people who inspire me to work harder, volunteer more, aim higher, and be more involved in my community. Chris, Tiffany, and their energetic boys are the kind of people who make a difference. Vote for Chris Seibert!!!!

Put Gravy on It...

Have you ever googled Alabama? Momentary pause. We are using google as several different parts of speech these days, right? Well, I am, so get on board with that. If I were to google Alabama, I imagine that the results would include the state's official page, things about football, the Birmingham bombing, George Wallace and his Schoolhouse stand, the obesity rate, the literacy rate, and the band Alabama. 

When I think about my home state, those are just some of the things that come to my mind. I also think about the way honey suckle smells on a June day, drivers pulling over to let a funeral procession pass, the sound of crickets at sunset, the feel of watermelon juice running down my arm in the July heat, the white sand on the Gulf of Mexico, wild flowers, lightning bugs, rocket science, and the time I had to repeat my order for a cheeseburger when I found myself North of the Mason-Dixon Line. It was my accent that caused the fuss. My server wanted everyone in the restaurant to hear me order in my thick twang. Really though, I think she was surprised that I could read the menu being from Alabama and all. Do you live in Alabama? If not, you probably have a preconceived notion about what it is like here. 

Yes, there are still dirt roads in the rural areas. We took a trip down this road last weekend. It takes almost an hour to get to this dirt road from our house. Even though the road is not paved, the residents of this community have electricity and indoor plumbing. Is this what you picture in your mind's eye for the state of Alabama? This is not what the majority of Alabama roadways look like. This is the minority.

I have heard a couple of tales recently that I have to repeat. 

The Alabamian who moved to Chicago: At his first dental appointment in the Windy City, he was asked if he had fluoridated water growing up or if he only drank well water. Even better, he had a coworker who stated he had never been to Alabama because - the Klan.

FYI: City and County water is indeed fluoridated, and some people are lucky enough to have a well in addition to that fancy, municipal aitch two O. Did you like that? Was it Alabama-y enough? And. The last time I saw a Klan gathering, they were protesting illegal immigration and didn't even wear bed sheets over their heads.

The Alabamian who visited the East Coast: The other patrons in the restaurant thought that the rednecks in Alabama still had public hangings. 

Hold up. Seriously? People think that there are public hangings in Alabama in 2014? It has been nearly 90 years since the last execution by hanging. 

Bless their hearts. :)

What Kind of Person?...

-I haven't blogged in a while. The truth is that I have grown tired of being mocked for having a blog. Having to hear so many people tell me how pathetic it is to have a blog has made me weary. For every one person who says they love to read my blog, six more tell me it is ridiculous. What's the point? That's what I keep asking myself when I think about how long it has been since I published a post. 

How many pictures of Layton behaving horribly can I really post?

How many silly anecdotes and embarrassing facts about myself can I really post?

-It's getting close to that time of year. The moment when it gets warm enough that all the skinny, beautiful people start taking their clothes off and getting tan. The time of year when I sweat profusely all the time because I have to dress for Winter year round due to my flab, jiggles, and excessively large backside. Some things cannot be fixed with diet and exercise; I am not about to carve out time for plastic surgery. Sweating is the way to go. All you sexy people should know - I am sure you are lovely individuals, but I still hate you for being able to go sleeveless and in shorts. Much love, The Fatty in the Turtleneck

-Ella Channing and Layton have begun an excavation at the farm and suckered their cousins into it as well. I have no idea what they think they will find, but they are determined to dig until something good pops up.

So far, they have just found rocks and petrified dung. You have no idea how badly I wish that last little bit weren't true. One thought it was funny...the other was in grossed out mode...

What's the point in blogging about the horrible things I do to my children?

-MMMBop came on '90s on 9. I cranked the volume up a good bit. I am not sure what bothered Hadley more - the fact that I turned the volume up or the fact that I knew all the words. Puh-lease, I didn't figure out how to communicate with other people until I was almost 30. Learning the MMMBop lyrics was all I had to do on Friday nights in the '90s. Did you see the pleated pants I had on in that one post? Yeah, no one wanted to be my friend.

I have grown tired. I might never publish another post ever.

Doubting Conscious...

-All around me are things that I don't expect to see. Old cow bones covered in moss and resting in the leaves were not on the list of things I thought I would happen upon recently. 

It was an interesting enough thing to find. It made me wonder about the cow. What happened to it? If I knew more about skeletons, I would have studied the pelvis to determine whether or not it was female. 

-I don't often expect to walk through water, but I am prepared for it when I do. 

-I certainly did not expect to post a humiliating picture of myself. This is a picture of me with my childhood idol. She has the most fabulous red hair and is always stylish. Even when we were in Mexico building houses, she had scarves and lipstick and jewelry. Sweet Virginia broke her hip in December and has had a long recovery. Ella found this picture of me with Virginia when we went to visit one night. Ella was seriously obsessed and needed a picture with the picture. Something inside me died the moment I uploaded those pleated pants and frizzy hair to the Interwebs. Come on now; it was 20 years ago...before anyone told me about hair products.

-Yes, all around me are things that I do not expect to see. That's what I mutter aloud regularly. For some reason, I don't expect these things. That leaves me with...What exactly am I expecting to see and do, then? That's the question I am attempting to answer. If I didn't expect to see cow bones, what was I expecting to see? If I didn't expect to wade through a creek, why did I have rubber boots? If I didn't expect Ella to fall head over heels in love with a terrible picture of me, what did I think her reaction to that picture would be? 

-I am super duper behind on posts these days. I have been busy with work and catching up from busy season. My "To Be Dealt With Later" pile is slightly smaller. My draft section of posts is slightly larger. I have started several things and uploaded some pictures, but I haven't gotten around to the meat of the story yet. That is something I do expect - to be continuously behind due to the hectic schedule I keep. Hey, at least we all have clean underwear this week. 

Turn Down Service...

I am fighting a major case of burn out. Major, I say. I am not sure what it will take for me to get over the burn, but I need to figure it out soon. I haven't wanted to be at work all week, and when I am at work, I feel like jumping out the window. I'm on the second floor, so jumping is probably not advisable. I think I just need to take some more time off soon. Because I have checked out mentally, there isn't much substance to what you are about to read. Don't say I didn't warn you.

-We dyed Easter eggs. Scratch that. Ella dyed Easter eggs. Layton and Hadley pretended to help. The eggs weren't super pretty, but Ella was pleased with each and every one.

-Ella was surprised by something. Only the good lord knows what because I sure don't remember taking this picture. It's blurry, so I can only assume that it happened quickly.

-A tent was pitched for a few hours of play. Yeah, we set up the tent and then took it down a few hours later. The kids loved playing in it though. 

-The boy thing was grumpy. I think he was actually just mad at me for something. I don't remember what. I am still trying to get my groove back. His hair is out of control. He needs a trim worse than I need a day to relax.

-Soccer games have been played by the littles. Ella looks particularly little on the soccer field. She is a year older than a few of the girls in the picture. She might be small, but she is mighty mid-field. Would it be wrong to start telling people that she is really David Beckham's love child? You're right. She looks too much like J for anyone to fall for that. 

Keep on keeping on. Maybe I will have something positive to report in another day or two. :)

Return to Sender...

Returning to the blog world after tax season is awkward. At best. I am out of words and out of gas. I still haven't recovered, and it has been almost a week. I took a couple of days off which was nice. 

I have been sorting through some of the pictures from the SD card that was in my camera. There are some interesting things hanging out on that card. :) I haven't looked at what was on it in a long time. I took it out last night and finally looked at a few shots. 

The attitude just seeps off this child. 

I often wonder if I should indulge the performer in him more. He is an animated little thing and has the spirit of a stage hog. 

How are all of you? Have you fared well the past few weeks? 

Much love and many new posts to follow....

Unicorns, Rusty Origins, and a Bad Duck...

-I saw her with my own two eyes. Right in front of me was the urban fast food myth. -The Unpleasant Chick-Fil-A Employee- She had a voice made of gravel and smelled like Spring Break gone awry. Not only did she not say, "My pleasure" after I said, "Thank you," she didn't even hand me my change. She practically threw the three pennies at me. I didn't think grumpy CFA employees existed. It's like those people are shooting up happiness before work every day....and then there is the extremely unhappy woman who had to take my order for a chargrilled filet. 

-There was a time in my life when I spent hours dwelling on the past. I would ponder what I could have done differently - What I could have said differently - What would have lead me down a different path?

Not so much anymore. It is what it is. I have made many mistakes. I have caused other people and myself more pain than should be allowed. That's just the way life shakes out for most of us. The past is a beautiful thing though. Even if your past has a little rust around the edges, embrace it and be glad it brought you to now. I like a touch of rust around the edges. 

When J and I went to Nashville a couple of months ago, we stopped in Antique Archaeology. It was an interesting place with a just enough rust to make me love it. 

There wasn't a ton of inventory that I was dying to bring home, but it was one of those places that I could have stayed inside for several hours if it weren't so crowded.

-Have you ever been so embarrassed that you wished the earth would swallow you whole? I have - no - I am on a regular basis embarrassed beyond belief. The most recent moment was one that was particularly awkward. I was at a local establishment (which I will refuse to name because that will make this even more embarrassing) when I encountered a group of younger people that knew one of the people in my group. I got ma'ammed. This one kid stinking ma'ammed me right there on the patio. I pointed out that I am only about 15 years older than he, and that hardly qualifies for a ma'amming. He disagreed. I jokingly said I was going to blog about it. This is where things took a decidedly awkward turn. The fact that I have a blog ended up being the "most loser" thing he had ever heard. So, he ma'ammed me and then called me a loser for having a blog. He was a rude duckling. He did ask a question that I get asked a lot when someone finds out I have a blog. "What do you blog about?"

-So I asked myself. What do you blog about? I blog about absolutely everything and absolutely nothing. I blog at 3:00 AM when I cannot sleep. I schedule 100% of my posts because I don't have time to blog during normal hours or on a regular basis. What is the point of this blog? The point is to document things that happen - for me to look back on someday. The point is to dump all of the energy and words floating in my head, so I can rest without the electricity of my thoughts keeping me awake.

Also, where else am I supposed to share ridiculous pictures I found on the Internet?

Peace out.