Random Thoughts and Observations...

-Kennedy. What was the first thing that went through your head? Don't worry. I thought about a gazillion different tragedies too. Well, I happened to see someone tweet a picture of Taylor Swift hanging out with a Kennedy...it's a suspected romance. I immediately wanted to tell Swifty to run. No one ever makes it in or out of a relationship with a Kennedy unscathed. Wait, there was that one...

-The smell of coffee is soooo delish. I love it when a coworker makes coffee in the afternoons. I do not drink coffee though, so I just smell it and go, "Ahhhhhh, that's nice." If I'm going to have a hot beverage, nine times out of ten it will be tea. Hot chocolate is the other 10%.


-There is chocolate milk on my shirt. And my pants. I'm pretending like I didn't spill chocolate milk on myself while driving. I am also pretending that no one has noticed the big, brown blur across the entire front side of my pants. I have pranced around the office seemingly oblivious to the fact that it looks like something awful happened on my lunch break. 

-Sushi is good. Don't try to argue with me. I will go on pretending that everyone on the planet likes shrimp tempura rolls as much as I do. Courtesy of Sakura...

-I took the codependents to the Kids Dugout the other day. I like to swing while I watch them play. I sat down in one and grabbed the chains and took off. The chains were super rusty looking. My hands were orange when we left. I guess I should call the Parks and Rec service to see if they are aware of the tetanus hazard. Right?

-Strapless bras. What's up with that? I am wearing one (because it makes me look semi-classy to not have bra straps showing under my lacy-shouldered shirt), and it sort of feels like it's been sliding down all day. It's a fancy, schmancy bra with the silicon stuff on it designed to keep it in place. Truthfully, it's not sliding down; it just feels that way because there are no straps. Am I the only one who thinks all shirts should be bra-friendly?

-I have probably committed at least five grammar atrocities in this post that would no doubt make Mrs. Hargrove force me to diagram sentences all night long. I need to get my grammar groove back. Please, if you happen to see Mrs. Hargrove in town, let her know that I think of her every time I split an infinitive or dangle a participle. I might have even busted out the sign of the cross after using the words aren't I at the end of an interrogative.

Yeah, Right...Too Big?...

H-Dizzy claims she is too big to have fun at the Kiddie Carnival.


 

I beg to differ.

Up and Down We Go...

Is there anything more fun than the Kiddie Carnival?


 

I think not.

Cotton Candy Girls...

They might have eaten their weight in cotton candy. I might have supplied the money to buy the cotton candy.

 

I never claimed to be Mother of the Year. I freely admit that I am no good at this whole parenting thing.  

You Have Been Chopped...

Ella's favorite show right now is Chopped. She's totes obsessed with it and watches it every chance she gets. She also says that Ted Allen (the host) is "freaky." I've watched a few episodes with her, and I must admit that it will straight up suck you into the show. Especially if you even remotely like to cook...

Ella has recently been saying that when she grows up, she wants to open her own restaurant. Five stars, of course. She helps cook at the farm every Sunday and helps me out at least once or twice a week. I've never seen a little person want to be in the kitchen as badly as she. I was watching her dice up some tomatoes the other day...

 

...and the whole time....

 

I kept thinking...You've been Chopped.

Oh, Sweet Niblets...

I don't know what this pose means. I just know that he is the only little feller at the Kiddie Carnival making such a face and stance when his mother points the camera at him.

 

And you wondered why I drink so much. Ha!

On the Lido Deck...

I don't think the bottom of the hammock is supposed to be used as a second hammock. Layton doesn't exceed the weight limit though. Maybe it's okay??? Or maybe DHR is going to show up on my front porch about 30 minutes after I publish this. Ha!

 

Safety Steve...

I don't know this man. My only question is...Where the heck is his helmet?!?!?!?! He's got the vest but no helmet. Yes, I went total creeper and snapped a picture of him with my phone.




If you happen to know this man, ask him about his helmet situation for me. 

Survival of the Fittest...

67% of the codependents and Nephew Nathan made a "clubhouse" in the back of Papa's truck one Sunday. It was more like a few blankets, a mish mash of toys, a giant stick, and a lunchbox with survival food. They called it survival food. In actuality, it was three packs of mandarin oranges and forks.


 

I love the fact that they picked oranges for their survival food. As if any of the adults would actually let them play in the bed of a truck for so long that they would need food or would certainly perish. Totes Presh.

What Have I Done?...

So, I was on the fakebook facebook the other night, and a certain picture caught my eye. I couldn't help buy identify with it. 

Yes, my children are just as twisted as I am but in an endearing way unlike myself. I'm just twisted. 

Rock On...

There are moments when you really want to take a sweet picture of some of your lovely children playing in the creek. There are also the moments when your sweet picture turns out like this instead...


 

Ella was all about being adorable and flashing a smile. Layton was more interested in making a face and rocking out.
It's still a sweet picture....in my eyes anyway.

Just Being Fabulous...

Ella...oh Ella...I just don't even know how to describe you. I tried the other night at my friend Ellie's house. One of Ellie's friends from Tennessee was in town, and I tried to describe you to her. The only way I can even begin is to say that you are an old soul. A 38 year old trapped in the body of an 8 year old. And you're pissed off about it. But in a really cute, sassy way.

 

Ella is gifted in many ways, but she only uses those gifts when the mood suits her. She could make straight A's in school if she wanted to, but more often than not she chooses to learn her own way and ignore the directions of her teachers. Ella lives life on her terms. 

Wrong...But....Totally Made Me Laugh...

Behind You...

Yes, I'm still behind you. Watching. Ready to scoop you up if you fall. Waiting. Ready to hold your hand if you lose your balance. I'm behind you supporting all of your decisions and giving you the freedom to choose your own world without my opinion or input. I will always be right behind you. Watching. Waiting. Loving.


 

You still turn around to see if I am there even though you know that I am behind you. Right behind you. Always. Whether it's a carnival ride or the hallway on the first day of school. I'm behind you.

See No, Hear No, Speak No...

 

Life Through Her Eyes...

Life isn't easy. I guess what I really mean is that living a life isn't easy. The physical aspect of life, breathing in and out, is automatic.  It is not hard to simply exist. The emotional aspect of life takes hard work. Relationships with others, navigating with a moral compass, knowing whom to hunker down with in the storms, knowing exactly who you are on the inside and what you want - those things are hard. Dealing with loss, planning parties, working, raising - those things are hard. Making friends, keeping friends, being generous, being stingy when needed, knowing right from wrong - those things are hard. At least - it's hard for me.




 

This child though...She doesn't see the world that way at all. She sees everyone as a friend and everyday as an opportunity to do something new. She wants to learn and love. She wants to smile and cry. She wants to sing and dance. She wants to hug and hit. She wants it all and isn't afraid to go for it. She is an absolute treasure in my book; I want to be more like Ella.

What Are You?...

I am a combination of the Tourist, the Okey-Dokey, and the Peek-a-Boo. Mostly I keep my camera kind of slung across my shoulder like a cross body bag. What are you?

Speak...Listen...Learn...Or Laugh...

On any given day, I hear a variety of things. Some are funny. Some are just plain awful. Some are bizarre. Some just beg to be repeated. Some are only funny out of context. Some were actually serious and heartfelt but don't sound that way outside of the conversation that was had. Without further ado...


...Some of the things I have heard, said, or read in the last week...


-Are they riding a lawnmower?


-My kid has been selling our food on Craig's List.



-Set the pot heads free.


-You smell like whiskey and tobacco.



-Quit trying to show me your junk.



-This meat is 1000 times better than anything I have ever gotten at Shoney's.



-When is his wife going to let him have his nuts back?


-I just pulled this offer facebook page. (Read this on the Internet)


-Ask your questions. I will answer them. No honestly though.


-Just go put on a diaper.

Um, Totally Inappropriate but Made Me Laugh...

Little Man in a Fat Coat...

...also known as a blurry cell phone picture of Layton helping J shop for a new jacket.

Thistle...Gotta Get the Thistle...

This picture is specifically for Jim and Kaye. I thought it was funny and took a picture of it. Then, I googled it thinking it was some kind of joke.


Imagine my surprise when I found out what a Thistle Farmer really is.





Boy, do I feel like a jerk for thinking it was some kind of joke!! It's a wonderful organization that helps women recover from addiction, get off the streets, learn skills for jobs, and help women who survived prostitution or trafficking. They make all natural bath products, paper products, and gift sets for teachers, etc. I think I'm going to order some of the bath products soon. I took this picture as a joke because Kaye and Jim got temporarily obsessed with pulling up thistles, and I learned about an incredible group of women who are changing lives 90 miles from my house instead. Who's the thistle now?

Right on the Nose...

Notice that my two children are making crazy, cross-eyed faces while Nephew Nathan is smiling and looking at the camera....


 

Hmmmmm. 

Random Thoughts and Observations...

-Ella convinced J to order a new pair of sandals for her. This morning she was lamenting the fact that it will take "three to five whole business days" to get her sandals. Three to five days is the equivalent of a century to Ella when she is expecting a package. God love her soul, she will make everyone around her aware of just how long she has waited for this package...every five minutes.

-I am kind of obsessed with Sosie at the moment. I could look at that website all day long. The clothes are so cute. I just wish I had the confidence to wear some of it.

-Confession. I check the Alabama Department of Public Safety once a month to see if any sex offenders have moved closer to my house. There are 54 registered offenders within a 5 mile radius of my house. Eight of them live in  this skeezy (Town and Country) motel. Don't worry; if I have your address, chances are strong I have also checked to see what pervs live near you too.

-I have curly hair. I have been straightening it for years. The other day I let the hair go. I didn't bother drying it or putting product in it. Hadley said my hair looked like "rats climbed in it, had babies, and then nested there." Thank you, Hadley. My self esteem really needed that boost.

-Even though I really love my job, I find it extremely difficult to work with other people. For the majority of my working years, I had a certain amount of autonomy. I spent a lot of time alone in the office. It was perfect for someone like me who is more comfortable alone than in a group. Having to discuss situations with other people is wonderful, but it has taken me a long, long time to get used to.

-The other night I was resting (read: being a lazy bum sitting on my fat arse) when I heard Ella and Layton approaching the den. Layton said to Ella, "We'll hit her with our cuteness." I'm overhearing this and trying to control my laughter. They came in, and Layton proceeded to ask me if he could sleep on the sofa. I told him he could, but he would have to take his bath first. Layton looked over at Ella and said, "She out smarted my cuteness." Apparently, he thought he could "cute" his way into skipping a bath. Sometimes I wonder about him...

-I've got CPE. Please text, tweet, email, whatever. I'm trying to get all my A&A over with, and I'm taking a lovely Government Audit class later today. Either entertain me via the interwebs or stop by my office with a bottle of hooch. I am soooooo not into audit work.

Through the Haze...

You can see them through the haze.


 

Thanks for the smoke bombs, J. We all had fun with them.

Things I Learned from Motherhood...

-Be prepared to receive advice graciously. Everyone is going to tell you what to do with your baby...Until your baby is grown. Sometimes, other ladies will give you advice that makes your life easier. Sometimes, you will want to shove your baby's pacifier in a lady's mouth, so she will shut up. Just know that we are all in this scary boat of motherhood together

-If you walk long enough, a cranky baby will go to sleep on your shoulder, but if you sit down, the baby will wake up. Believe me, I walked what seemed like 8,000 miles in our den at all hours of the night and early morning with a fussy child in my arms.

-I was in far better shape when the children were little bitty because of the 8,000 miles walked in the den.

-Walk naked around your house before you have children. Often. Wear short skirts. Wear low cut sweaters. Go to the grocery store in little more than an eye patch. You will miss your body after birthing children starts to chip away the last shred of dignity and self esteem you had. So hit up that nude beach before you start birthin' them babies.

-There is such a thing as too much fun. Over-stimulation can result in tears and meltdowns a plenty. I never in my life thought I would have to limit the stimuli. 

-I am not in control of anything. I embrace the fact that there are three masses of my DNA that control my life. I have grown adept at making them think that I am the adult and the boss when really my whole existence revolves around them. Shhhhh. Do NOT tell my children!! Or my husband!!

-It is hard to be a role model. Like, really hard. As in, I would not wish this feeling of inadequacy on my worst frenemy. I wake up everyday hoping that my children will not notice who their mother really is. I want them to want me and love me, and I am terrified that they won't once they see me as the flawed human being that I am instead of a super-hero who can kill monsters in the closet and kiss boo boos and make everything better with a glass of milk.

-Never, ever, under any circumstance leave home without a change of clothing for yourself and your children. There should always be an emergency set of panties in the back of your car. No, you do not want to know how I learned this lesson the hard way. In my car, we call it the apocalypse bag. I'm not really sure how we came up with that name, but in the event of a melt down at the local nuclear power plant, we can haul some serious tail out of town and still have fresh undies.

-Speaking of disasters. Am I the only person who reads the informational calendar with detailed instructions for what to do in case there is a melt down? I am probably one of the few who reads the instructions every year. I know my route out of town and that I will need to tie a white cloth on the front door of my house after all the occupants are out. Did I know any of this before I had children? Hell to the no. Now, I know every evacuation route by heart. Having children will put "what if" fear in your heart in a major way.

-No one else is going to think it's cute when your child full body tackles the dog mannequin at Old Navy. In fact, you might have to explain to a police officer exactly why it shouldn't be considered destruction of property. Again, you do not want to know why I know this.

-Cardio. It's the first rule of Zombieland. It should also be the first rule of motherhood. Cardio.

-Loose teeth make me want to gag. Blood and guts? I'm okay with that. Loose teeth? I will dry heave every time. J is the sole adult who deals with teeth at my house. I deal with all the cuts and bruises and things of that nature. 

-Anything and everything I thought I knew about life before I had children...I didn't.

Could I Be Any More Lazy?...Doubtful...

I am a lazy bum who continues to buy gifts off the gift-card-a-palooza rack at the stores instead of shopping for a real gift. I mean, honestly, whoever thought of this deserves a medal for making it so easy for me to be the laziest person on the planet. 

Christmas? Birthday? Anniversary? New baby? Shoot, I've got all those covered in one spot. I love to get gift cards for occasions. It's fun to look and finally decide on something you want. Gift cards to restaurants are also on up there on my list. I love to eat; I love to eat for less than full price. Heck, I'm gonna go buy myself a gift card on my lunch break. Ha!

Sweet Moments...

Sweaty from fun. Sweet moments with you.


 

He Will Seek Revenge...Probably...

C-O-D is the Mastermate.

 

You had to be there I guess, but it was so funny that years later, we make C-O-D wear the vest and do the salute. :)

Reeling in the Sea Bass...

So, we weren't at sea, and we weren't fishing. Layton was busy pulling something to the boat though.

 

What was Mommer's boy baby reeling in? Well, Cody, of course. Hahaha! 

Skinny Minny Bikini Babes...

Flaunt it while you can, ladies. I am a firm believer in that.


 

If there were even one square inch of my body not marred from the war of childbirth, I'd probably flaunt a little, bitty bikini too. Turtleneck buddy and I choose to keep the battlegrounds covered though. It's in the best interest of other people. 

Smile...

I look at these faces...

I look at these faces and smiles. I look at these faces and feel grateful and blessed. I look at these precious children of mine and remind myself that other children are not as lucky. 

Lacey Buchanan's story went viral on facebook back in May. Did you watch her video about her blind son? Did you google cleft palate or Tessier cleft after you watched it? I did. The first website that came up in my google search was www.operationsmile.org. I've been back there countless times in the past few weeks. If you haven't ever had a chance to see some of the information regarding Operation Smile, I would recommend visiting their site. I have set up a fundraising page and would love it if any of you would want to help donate to the cause. $240 is the cost of one operation, and I would like to raise that much.

I also learned about other ways you can help Operation Smile and help yourself or your child at the same time. Campus Book Rentals donates a portion of every college textbook rented to Operation Smile. When I was in college, I would have preferred to rent Intermediate Accounting as opposed to buying it!  I really would have preferred to rent all the tax books too; those things were expensive and only good for one semester because tax law changes every year. Sooo, if you have a college aged child or if you are taking a class yourself, consider renting your book. It saves you money and saves a child's smile at the same time!! Wouldn't it be nice if everything we spent money could help out kids in need!?!!!?

Snuggle That Face...

Sometimes I look at pictures I have taken of the codependents, and I just want to reach into the screen and snuggle their faces. Instead, I opt to actually snuggle them in real life. Ella, the queen of cuddling, cannot get enough. She brings Spiky (that ratty pillow she drags everywhere we go) and climbs in bed with me at night. The right side of my body is the cuddle spot. The left side of my body is the sleepy spot. If she thinks she is going to fall asleep, she gets in the sleepy spot. If she feels like staying awake and just wants to be loved on, she gets in the cuddle spot. We watch TV while she's in the cuddle spot, and I rub her belly. Don't ask me why. She loves to have her belly rubbed. I prefer a back rub.

In all honesty when I look at pictures like this one, I can almost smell her. The feel of her skin is so vivid in my mind. And...I can vividly remember what Spiky smells like too. Ewwww.

Just About the Creepiest Thing I Have Ever Done...

Sooooo. We spent July 4th at the river. C-O-D and his lady friend Hannah came down for the day. Ella lurves Hannah. I thought it was adorable to the tenth degree that Ella and Hannah were taking a picture together on the boat. I wanted to share it with all of you, but Hannah didn't give me permission. So, I pixelated her.

I am a total creeper.