I Do Not Like Green Eggs and Ham....

Another bride, another groom, another sunny honeymoon, another season, another reason, for I don't Wednesday...

Did you like that? It seems a little funnier if you actually sing the song with it. Anyway, it's Wednesday, and I am ready to tell the world about some more things that "I Don't."

I don't wear shorts. Bizarre? Yes, because I live in Alabama where it is (as my friend from the North would say) wicked hot!

I don't like buffet food. It just feels odd to pick through food with people I don't even know. Who knows what some of them are breathing on the buffet?

I don't like waking up 10 minutes before my alarm goes off in the morning. Does that bother anyone else?

I don't like calling AT&T customer support. I had to call recently (remember the whole dead phone thing), and the man I spoke to told me to call a different number from my cell phone. So, I call the new number and am told to hang up and call from a land line. Seriously?

I don't like it when people leave their cell phones turned off. I know a woman who is the queen of turning off her cell phone except for when she needs to call someone. When there is actually an emergency, no one can ever get in touch with her. I once asked her what the point of having a cell phone is if she doesn't leave it on. I'm still waiting on her to answer me...because I left that question on her voice mail, which she never checks because her phone is never on.

I don't like "one uppers." You know who I am talking about. People like this:

Example 1.
Me: One time, I broke my pinkie finger.
One Upper: That's nothing; I broke my arm in 8 places.
Me: That must have hurt. Did you have to have surgery?
One Upper: Yes, with no anesthesia because I have such a high pain tolerance.
Me: Oh. I've never had surgery of any kind, so I don't know what that must be like.

Example 2.
Me: I had the worst day. My car wouldn't start, and I broke my glasses.
One Upper: No, I had the worst day. My car wouldn't start; my contacts fell in the toilet; my dog ate my breakfast; and junior wet the bed.


I don't like buying pregnancy tests. Yep, I'm throwing that one out there. It's absolutely humiliating. The clerk is looking at you, and she knows you've been getting busy or you wouldn't be buying the test. The worst is when they try to make small talk about it. 'You hoping for a little one soon?'

I don't like having embarrassing prescriptions filled. Example: The nuggets had chicken pox last May. Yes, I thought the vaccine was 100% too. Anyways, the pediatrician gives me a prescription for the children. When I got in the car, I realized that it was for Valtrex (in liquid form). That's right-the herpes stuff-where people are swinging and talking about how great it is. Because the chicken pox virus is a herpes virus, the prescription was meant to lessen their symptoms. Still though, when I rolled up at the pharmacy, I made sure to point out that my two children were not harboring STDs but pox. The pharmacist laughed, and said she knew that's what it was for.


Well, I guess that sums up this week's crazy list of things "I Don't." I'll catcha later...