That's a Wrap...

These young ladies did a great job this year as the dance twirl team. The performances are over now. This is their last group photo. :)

 

Some of them are trying out for high school majorette next year. Hadley doesn't seem too interested in that right now. She said she wants to take a year off from extracurricular activities. We shall see....I have a feeling she'll find something she really wants to do because one of her friends is involved. Keep sparking!

As Seen on TV...

As seen in the backseat of the Jeep from time to time....



Ella insisted on having a pair of rubber boots to wear at the farm. J has a pair and walks through the creek in his. A certain little woman who thinks she is in charge of the world had to have a pair of her own. Ella loves shoes; I have no clue where she gets this passion. Bwhahahaha. She was so eager to wear her boots that she has taken them everywhere we went since the boots arrived in a lovely box from Amazon. It cracks me up that she fell asleep holding her purple, rubber boots.

Radio 2.0...

***This was originally published last month, but I just had to revisit it...you don't even want to know what has happened since...

Radio Popped It...

While cruising around town in the Volv-Ro, I normally have some type of music playing. The codependents like the hot station. You know, the one that plays the top 40 hits. During the last few months, I have realized that allowing WZYP and KISS FM to play in my car is not a wise parenting move; however, it has already been established that I am not the most responsible parent on the block. In fact I am a most pitiful excuse for a parent. I try very hard, but this whole nurturing thing just doesn't come naturally to me.

Side Bar: Hadley had to write about her role model for school. She told me she didn't have one. I implied that I could be her role model. She promptly told me that I am not role model material. Yep, my own child realizes that at any moment DHR is going to come in and scoop all the codependents up for a more suitable and responsible home.

So the radio plays. I don't pay a whole lot of attention to the songs until I notice one of my offspring rocking out to a particular song. In the last year the following conversations/events have been precipitated by a radio song...

-Payphone - Thank you, Maroon 5. We went on a whole payphone expedition in an effort to find one because my children didn't know what a payphone happened to be. This one is kind of my own fault though. I didn't have to take the payphone hunt all over North Alabama. I could have given this one up or shown them a picture on the Internet. Instead, I launched an all out fatwa to find a working payphone.


-Too many boys. - Taylor Swift. Sweetheart, let's talk. Ella tried to convince me that Ellie Goulding was the artist behind one of your songs because she didn't want to admit you had been dumped. Again. Her reasoning? She is convinced that every song you sing is about a different boy that broke up with you. To quote Ella, "Too many boyfriends." That's right. My nine year old thinks you're a floozy based entirely off the number of songs you have played on the radio.


-Menage a trois - Thank you, Katy Perry. There was a most uncomfortable moment in our local Burger King when Layton began singing about last Friday night. In my usual state of dishevelment, I hadn't even noticed that three-ways were mentioned in your hit song. Thank you so very much for that Kodak moment at the BK.


-What's sex? - Did you know there is a song called Birthday Sex? Well, there is, and I kind of fell apart when Ella asked, "What's birthday sex?" Layton followed it up with, "You know, it's sex on your birthday." The obvious next question was, "What's sex?" Meanwhile, Hadley is sitting shot gun laughing out loud while squealing, "I haven't told them a thing." Don't forget, she was corrupted by middle school. Thank you, radio stations of the world. My children were further corrupted by an innocent drive home. I successfully avoided that question with the littles. Distract and Redirect. Works every time.


-Let' get the hell out of here. - Thank you again, Katy Perry. Ella may or may not have yelled, "Let's get the hell out of here" after hearing Waking up in Vegas. I ran like hell because I was afraid someone in an authoritative position might over hear my child's somewhat colorful quote. We had a talk about how little girls shouldn't talk that way, but that Mommy can blog that way. Ha!


-You're not sexy. - Thank you, LMFAO. Your songs are delightful. They are less delightful when a seven year old boy starts to dance in the grocery store while singing I'm Sexy and I Know It. Need I
say more?

-Jack Daniels v. Scope - Thank you, Ke$ha. My little cherub of a son just loves to tell people that he brushes his teeth with Jack Daniels.


You would think that at some point I would pull it together and turn off the radio.

Slow and Steady...

Hi, friends! I don't have a whole lot to report this week. I have been busy at work and haven't had enough time to really monitor my food intake as well this last week. I am down one more pound, but I am hoping that this week will bring more than one pound lost. :)

My biggest problem is my addiction to bad carbs. I LOVE bread. Rolls. Mmmmm. I adore a buttery, yeast roll. I have been cutting back on the carbs, but I really need to cut all the white bread out of my diet. That is my goal for this week....further reduction of white bread. :)

Here Kitty, Kitty...

The first grade recently presented a program. It was about Kitty Cat Capers. Our children's school doesn't really put on plays. The program is more like the whole grade standing on a stage and singing 5 or 6 songs.  For each song a small group of children will step forward and dance/jump around. Some of the children have a speaking line too. Layton had a speaking part in this particular production.

The time he spent speaking was my favorite part of the play...because little man didn't bother tilting the microphone down. He stood on his tip toes and stretched his neck just to be able to get his mouth close enough. It was hilarious.

As usual he spent the entire time acting out each song while he sang. Layton is never content to just stand still and sing. He loves to dance and wiggle.

He was an especially cute cat.

The whole thing was adorable. I still miss the days when the children actually put on a play. I always loved being a part of a play in elementary school. Even though I was never the star of any production, I still felt special and like a star in my own way at the end of each play. Memorizing a line or two and having a costume seriously made me feel like a little miniature Meryl Streep. I would love it if the school could go back to doing plays like that. There isn't enough time in the day though for the children to practice a real play and still keep up with the education initiatives that have to be met.

Layton is definitely a little performer. He loves to sing, dance, and have an audience. I have looked into a couple of theater type programs for children his age, but none are terribly convenient for us because each is at least a half hour drive one way. I do want to find a way for him to have an outlet for all his performances though. Does anyone have any suggestions? 

Sweet, Baby Jesus...

Thank you! It's Friday! It also happens to be the day after the w-2/1099 deadline at work. It feels fantastic to have that out of the way! Now it's time to crank up the productivity levels and get some 1040s and 1120s complete. 

Is it completely inappropriate that I titled this post Sweet, Baby Jesus? Talladega Nights, anyone? Poor taste? Maybe so....considering I decided to add this picture....

Word. 

Let's get our weekend going! 

I Should Sooooo....

What do you think the codependents would do if I were to institute this?

The truth is that I have to keep all laptops, tablets, ipods, etc away from the codependents until their homework is finished. Otherwise, not one thing would get completed. "Can I play the Wii?," they ask. Each and every time I reply with something along the lines of...Is your homework finished?...or...Is your room clean?...or...Did you hang up your things?...There is always a catch. You'd think I was trying to amputate a limb with a rusty butter knife the way they wail after hearing the word no. 

How about all of you? Are you met with these same issues? Or do you have children that love to take care of responsibilities before playing with their electronic devices?

Blast from the Past...

***This is one of my favorite posts from last year because it is so randomly...me...

Call Me Vonnegut...Not da Vinci...Random Style...

**Disclaimer: It's entirely possible that I didn't think this post through before hitting publish. I'm not sure why I wanted to do a Kurt Vonnegut inspired post of Random Thoughts and Observations. Consider yourself warned.


-Mama Kaye has a broken hip. In my mind's eye, a broken hip looks like this:

Or this:

I have no doubt that neither one of these is what a broken hip looks like, but it helps me to sort of simply visualize what is going on and where the screws and rod must be. I break everything down into black and white cartoons. Including tax returns. 

-Tax returns look more like this:

-I used to watch the Today show religiously every morning. I haven't tuned in as much since my beloved Ann Curry got the ax. I would let Ann Curry read the dictionary to me. Savannah Guthrie? Not so much. She has upside down mouth. She makes me sad because she looks like she's frowning in between every smile and question. I'm sure she's a lovely person; she's just not Ann Curry. Upside down mouth looks like this:

That wasn't very nice. Let's just go ahead and point out that Ann Curry has right side up mouth. 

See the difference?

-Butter should be a food group. 

-When I draw a stick of butter on a plate, it looks remarkably like a steam boat. That was supposed to be a slice of butter being cut away from the stick...instead it can be my smokestack.

-Peanuts are good too. 

I could eat peanuts all day long. That would be a bad idea. It would be tasty though. 

-I really, really wish I were a gifted writer. 

I always wanted to write when I was little, but unfortunately for me, writing just isn't my gift. Most of what I do write belongs here:

-I see cars with stick families on the back windshield. I have drafted one of my family. 

Can you tell which one is me?

-I'd like to close today's blog post with my own rendition of my favorite illustration in Breakfast of Champions. 

Assuming you have read the book, you know that's the end...so to speak. Stop by next week. I'll be doing my best Richard Pryor on Monday. That's a lie. Or maybe it isn't...

Down Some...

Hey gang!! Just reporting that I am down another 2 pounds!!! Yeah!!! I don't know about you all, but it is so hard to avoid pigging out on yummy food. I would love to chow down on cheeseburgers and fries every day for lunch. I'd love to have bacon and cheese loaded potatoes for dinner. BUT. Most of all I would like to be able to zip all the pants in my closet. Haahahahaha!!

And They Wonder Why I Drink...

Every day in the life of the Enabler is full of funny stories and moments that make me think, "Seriously?" Between work and home, I hear it all. Like, for realz. Don't you love the way I use poor grammar and spelling to make a point? I blatantly commit grammar crimes for affect; however, if I catch you saying, "I bought it for him and I," I will stop you mid sentence to ask if you know the difference between objective case and nominative case. I am that strange. Here are a few of the things that I have heard or thought in the last few weeks...



--Layton loves to call the ladies, "baby." As in...

What's going on, baby?

What is for dinner, baby?

Want to play Wii, baby?

It's not like he's trying to be a sexual harasser in training or anything. He just loves to call all women "baby"...including me, Hadley, Ella....anyone can be a "baby." Before you say anything, yes, yes, I have tried to convince him not to call the ladies "baby." He's just a baby kinda guy. It's sort of Sinatra-Esque....especially with his curls and dimples. The point, dear digital friends, is that if you encounter my son and he calls you baby, take no offense. Blog about it and send the link to me. Ha!


--Do you ever check the FAIL blog? It is some of the funniest material! The names are almost always blurred or blocked out. You must check it. You can thank me tomorrow. Here's a sample...

I chose to provide you with samples that both mentioned pot. No, I'm not a pot head. I wouldn't be even if it were legal. BUT. Highlarious.

--As we were cruising through our local Publix, Ella and Layton began discussing baths. Let me rephrase. They began discussing not taking baths. Layton proclaimed that he was, "going to take his weekly bath" that night. Ella being the perfect partner in crime egged him on and started suggesting that her armpits were smelly from not bathing for so long. People, my children do bathe. Promise.


--Soooo, the kids are watching a supposedly safe TV channel. Layton asks, "What does, 'Oh, Hell No' mean?" Aren't there any family channels that are free of this kind of stuff? My little afro-boy will repeat anything and everything he hears.


--Ella has written "strongly worded letters" to everyone who has sneezed in front of her in the last two weeks. What 9 year old says things like "strongly worded letters?" My child. What 9 year old writes letters explaining how to cover one's mouth when coughing and sneezing complete with sarcasm? My child.


--An email was sent out regarding the dress code at work. It was a friendly reminder that we all need to look a little more professional this time of year. I, of course, immediately began trying to remember everything I had worn in the week leading up to the email. I can only assume that something I attempted to wear spurred the email. I look 50 Shades of Hobo on a regular basis.  My response to the email regarding the dress code?

That's correct. I put on a bracelet and actually wore my wedding and engagement rings for a change. I'm hoping this will be enough to convince my coworkers that I am not actually a hobo sneaking into the office. Someone once said that it's, "all about the accessories." That someone looks adorbs everyday of the week. That someone was definitely not me, but I was listening.


--Sometimes I get an email or text message and really, really, really want to hit reply and type, "Find someone else to bother."


--Layton's hair. The hair band gods are probably pleased with what is going on North of Layton's shoulders. At any moment he could start singing a Whitesnake song, and it wouldn't seem odd. I told him he had to get a haircut. He replied, "but it drives the ladies crazy." Maybe he is a sexual harasser in training.


--Any questions?

Rocket Science, Brain Surgery, and Me..

Some things are harder to do than controlling nuclear fusion.

...Like taking care of the dirty dishes every day.

...Or managing the ridiculous amounts of dirty laundry.

...Or sweeping food crumbs off the floor.

...Or throwing away Capri Sun straw wrappers. (Am I the only one who finds this stuck all over the place?)

...Or putting away clean socks.

...Or packing lunches for school.

Some things are so difficult to master that only one family member can handle the daunting tasks. Bwhahaha.



I'm sorry for the lack of posts lately. I'm off my game. Also, we've been swamped. Let's see. Layton had mono. Seriously. Then the poor fellow had the flu. Then Ella had the flu. And did I mention it's tax season? My mother-in-law had a hospital stay. All in the last few weeks....so I've been a little stressed and busy. I promise to get some of my draft posts completed and published sooner than later. :)

Chantelle...

Guys, cancer is an equal opportunity evil. It does not discriminate based on race, age, marital status, sexual orientation, etc. We have all been touched in some way by cancer and the toll it takes. I think about the people I have known and loved who have battled the beast. My own father lost the battle, and losing him was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I can say though that our family was lucky in a lot of ways. Insurance covered a good portion of the costs, and a dear, family friend, Carol, opened her home to my parents. Mom and Ed stayed with Carol often during his treatment, and that was a blessing because they didn't have to spend money on hotels. Having cancer is expensive. Not everyone has a family friend who happens to live down the road from a world class hospital.

Chantelle. She and I do not know each other. I heard about her story from a friend on Twitter. Amber (my digital friend) is close to Chantelle and has started fundraising to help with the costs. You see, Chantelle lives in Canada, and the type of chemotherapy and treatment she needs isn't available there. She and her husband have come to Texas to get the Cadillac of treatment for Inflammatory Breast Cancer. The catch is that they will have to cover the costs out of pocket.

Please consider helping this mother of three beautiful children. Even a dollar will help. I cannot imagine how much strength it will take for Chantelle and Blair to overcome this, but we can all assist them in this journey.

A Shrimp Tale...

I'll start the tale. You fill in the blanks in the comment section.

Once upon a time there was a girl so cray cray that she....

Sent From My Droid

Post from the Past...

***Originally published in 2012 and cracks me up when I look back at it because sooooo much more has happened since I first thought of doing this post. Ha!

Things That Should Alarm Me...

Recently, my mother-in-law and I were discussing things. I like to think of them as Things That Should Alarm  Me But Don't.

Like...

-Finding a pocket knife in a sofa cushion. As in...fully open and exorcising the cushion of any demons within.

-When J walks through the den with an odd looking object and tells me we're going to blow it up this weekend.

-Home made blow torches.

-Discovering that I am not only packing heat but packing heat complete with silver bullets.

-Reaching into the freezer expecting to pull out a package of deer meat but pulling out a ziploc bag of squirrel brains instead.

-When asked what our plans for the weekend are, the hubs says we're taking up making mead.

You know. Things that would have alarmed me years and years ago but now seem ordinary.

-Seeing J and Jeffrey on the tractor. Together. Headed toward the barn. Hmmm. This should probably alarm me (good lord only knows what kind of adventure these two could start in that barn), but after all these years, I'm no longer shocked by anything either of them decides to do.


 

Interestingly enough, they weren't even up to anything this day. You can never be too sure with them though.



Fellers: I am expecting a centerpiece that will melt faces this weekend. It will be cool enough for a fire in the evening.

Another Week....Another Pound...

So, I got on the scales this morning, and I am down another pound. I suspect that it could actually be two pounds, but I ate kind of salty yesterday and feel a little bloaty as a result. Ha! Maybe I should start weighing in on Wednesday when I've had a day or two to recover from my Saturday/Sunday splurge day. Everyone needs one day of the week to eat cake or have a glass of wine. :) Anyways....my update is short this week. I've been super busy at work and haven't had much time for blogging except for on the weekends...and then I just want to catch up on laundry and rest! :)

Again?...

***Originally posted in 2011...

Random BlackBerry Awesome Sauce...

While flipping through the pictures on my phone, I thought there were a couple worth bringing up.

First, Layton and his "I'm so ghetto" pose.

Give it up little boy. Everyone knows you are just a cutie pie. No one with a blond Afro has any street cred. Word.

Second, Michael Jackson impersonators are the best. No seriously, the best. This particular one has a stage tied to the roof of his car. He-He, Whoo! I just grabbed my crotch a little.

Third, the scary, panel van with an A/C unit in the back window. C'mon Man. Could you be any more of a creeper? I've got ice cream. And lollipops. And I lost my dog.

Any time I see a creeper van, I can't help but wonder...and then I make sure my pistol is loaded.

Smoke on the Water...

I love, love, love being able to do this....

 

Cold weather and a hot tub. Ahhh. Relaxation city. 

Just Roll with It...

This is the face of a little girl who absolutely loves me. This is also the face of a little girl who knows exactly how to get what she wants. My buttons? Pushed. My temper? Pushed. My heart? Pushed. She knows how to manipulate me. But. Just look at this face. How could you not want to cave and give her everything she wants?

. 

Oh, that's right. This. This might remind you that she does not tolerate ambivalence. Do you ever read Suri's Burn Book? Ella is a lot (in real life) like the fictionalized Suri.



And this.

And this.

And this.

And this. 

 

Just look at that face. How could you not cave in and give her whatever she wants? 

Awkward...Take 2...

***A completely inappropriate post that still makes me laugh...originally published in 2011...

Awkward Family Photos...

Do you ever go to Awkward Family Photos? I check that site out from time to time and just about lose it I laugh so hard. At the Tennessee Valley Old Time Fiddler's Convention, I was snapping pictures of my adorable kids when I realized that I had an awkward family photo on my hands. Layton being adorable in the bleachers.....

...with a thong shot. What do you think? Should I submit it? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

The Past Haunts Me...and Makes Me Laugh...

There are a lot of sayings about the past. You know what I mean. It never stays buried. Don't dwell on the past. If you forget the past, your doomed to repeat it. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Not all that horribly long ago, my children stumbled upon some things from my past in a closet. No, the past did not stay in the closet. It was dragged out....and made a scene....and proved that I am a hoarder in need of intense, professional help.

 

Ella was seriously digging my majorette jacket. Why do I still have this???? Why?? People, this is not okay. This is an example of hoarding gone awry. I didn't even know I still had this thing! When you hoard the point of not knowing what you are hoarding...it's bad.

 

And why, oh why, would I still have my cap and gown????

 

And more importantly, why would I have my brother's cap and gown??? Layton thought it was great though. He didn't want to put mine on because, "it's a girl outfit." I didn't bother explaining the word unisex.

 

If you happen to be a psychiatrist, please give me a call. I clearly need to be medicated.